I'll always remember the first time I watched Clerks, because I was 12 or 13 years old, and my father watched it with me. I had rented it from Video Plaza; this was the time where my parents started letting me make more media choices by myself. My dad said he had heard about it on the radio - WPLR, 99.1 New Haven's finest classic rock - so he wanted to check it out too. I can remember the viewing being awkward, as swear words and sexual topics were a bit taboo in our household. He must have said "you shouldn't be watching this" a few times, but didn't make me turn it off. So many dick and fart jokes; my middle school mind loved the dialogue.
That's actually the first point here - this film introduced me to a movie beyond action, beyond a story arc; it was the birth of my love for "dialogue films". I remember that term from a Rolling Stone or Spin article I read in middle school, and adopted it's use when people asked me what kind of movies I liked. "Dialogue movies" - it was artsy and intellectual, dare I say hipster for the 90s. Looking back on it, it probably made me feel more "punk rock" to like small independent movies and not Hollywood blockbusters. Or at least portray that image, as I fucking loved Independence Day too. But the dialogue in Clerks, the way it was written, the way the characters speak - that was very influential to me finding "my voice" at that time. The sarcasm and wit combined with pop culture references and self deprecating humor; that became almost a definition of my personality at the time. A funny fat nerd who knows he is a funny fat nerd being a funny fat nerd. #myteenageyears.
My love for Kevin's work has really continued through my entire life. His films are all excellent - I honestly even loved Jersey Girl, and couldn't believe it got bad reviews. Beyond the films though - his "Evening With Kevin Smith" movies were absolutely engrossing. Silent Bob is one talkative mother fucker for real, and I loved listening to everything he had to say. The man's conversation and story telling skills are so insanely amazing. He is engrossing and entertaining; I can listen to him talk about nothing for hours. Those presentations were hugely inspirational to me overcoming my fear of public speaking. I saw what he did to captivate an audience- to make "nothing" fun; like just hanging out with a good buddy, shooting the shit. A lot of "I am what I am, take it or leave it, I don't give a fuck what you think" vibes. Thinking about how this ugly fat dude was the star of the show; it was the charisma he gave off, the way he spoke, that really endeared him to the audience. He was funny for sure, but something about his cadence and word choice - just the way he spoke. It was a maturation of the Clerks dialogue from so long ago; the man evolved and so did his projection of himself to the world.
And then he had a heart attack in February of 2018, and influenced and inspired me in a whole different way. This relatively young guy nearly died, and that scenario spoke to me. I've always been obese, other than a year or two between 2006 and 2007 where I was just overweight. I had lost weight, but then put it back on. The yo-yo for real for real, up and down between 195 and 220 multiple times between 2008 and 2018. A decade of knowing what to do to be healthy, but having a very difficult time acting on it. I'm honestly surprised I haven't had a heart attack, or lost my feet to diabetes yet. So seeing it happen to Kevin was definitely impactful. And then I saw him talk about it, and change his life. The Penn and Teller potato diet he spoke about, and his dramatic change in looks. He was able to convey the gutcheck he got when this happened to him in a way that made me think about it happening to me. I started eating better, and lost about 10 lbs between spring and fall 2018. Then I quit my job to focus on getting myself healthier, and got down to about 180lbs by spring 2019. This was the lowest I had been since 2006. And for the most part, I've kept it off since then. Hovering in the 180s for the past two years, with a few holiday treats getting me back to the 190s for a few weeks. I've actually mostly kept it off this time, and Kevin's story is one of the reasons why. I still have a long way to go - I need to lose at least 15 more to not be "overweight". Not going to the gym is tough; the past year has really been maintenance, and not loss. But I have to focus on that being better than gain. I have a picture of him taped to my fridge to remind me what's possible; maybe I need to tape my own picture up there too.
So for like 25 years this man has been a source of inspiration; I can't wait to see how he inspires me in the next 25. I know he just wrote Clerks III; maybe we'll see a thin Ethan Suplee reprise his schooner confusion too.
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