I'm feeling awful right now. Not sick, but mentally exhausted and strained. I'm having problems getting out of the depression funk. Bored, tired of this shit. Haven't left the house in weeks other than to warm the car up driving for 5 min around the neighborhood or to go get gas for the snowblower. It was nice for a couple weeks, but it's back to snow and cold now. Stuck inside - no more garden building, trail creation, walks around the yard, tree falling...working outside helped a ton in this bullshit. Fake ass spring had me fooled.
Work sucks right now - no motivation, tired of answering the same question that I can't help with over and over. I know I should be happy that I have a job - I was planning on leaving, but now basically have to stay. No road trip with Dad.
I just feel like I'm stuck in a shitty place all around. I know this is just my perspective; I understand I should able to change my mindset, but fuck it is just very difficult. I am not motivated to get people's bullshit marketing emails out of spam boxes right now. At all. I don't give a fuck; there are much more important things than email delivery rates to be concerned about.
I cried so much yesterday. I rarely cry, but fuck was I in my feelings. it all just washed over me - Easter - seeing those old photos, thinking of old memories, what it was like in the past. What's in store for the future?
Hurting. Uncertainty. Worry. Anxiety. Fear. Depression.
FML.
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